Listening to: Cody Johnson ” It’s Amazing”
Wounds, with time heal. With care, they begin to close. I am learning there is no time limit when it comes to this process, it’s on going. Rushing through will cause more damage. I have tried rushing this process. I have had that scab ripped off causing it to become a fresh wound yet again, increasing the size of my scar. I am accepting that it’s ok to cry, ok to mourn, until you are ready to move on.
I tried dating too soon. I wanted to fill the void. I wanted to feel wanted, needed. All it did was cause confusion, and created a deeper wound. Instead of finding my footing, I got the rug pulled out from under me. I now was feeding the monsters that already made me feel unwanted. Once I realized that all I was doing was avoiding, I backed off. I accepted. I accepted that I am hurting, that as uncomfortable as it is, it’s a very necessary process. I started writing, holding myself accountable, even if no one reads this, I have to get this out. These are the thoughts I hold in around others. Maybe out of fear, out of judgement, but they are felt non the less. That’s the entire point of this, is to say it. To give those thoughts a chance to be felt, and validated.
I have driven 600 miles the last 2 days. 600 miles of me getting into myself, and getting to the very core of me. I have taken the most amazing photos.
I have found the beauty in them all. Nature, like us, has many different faces, moods. One areas rains, and others, there are colors so vivid, bright. Hard to believe that 100 miles difference the sunset for one looks completely different than the sunset of another. Like life, one day is not like any other, and not everyone sees the same skies. Nature has taught me a lot, the open road is helping me to accept the journey. The journey is not about the destination, it’s everything in between that gives meaning, purpose.