13 June 2017 – Lost in San Antonio

 

Oh what I wouldn’t give in this very moment to just throw my hands up in the air, pack a bag, and go to a destination to anywhere. The city is not my home. It feels like a cage of standards, expectations and a 9-5 way of life. Concrete jungle of cold, man made things to make you believe that luxury is that of glass and high tagged items, it’s easy to get sucked into the soul killing game of wanting more. Life becomes so monotonous in the city. A never ending ground hog day. Same buildings, same roads, same traffic issues…..the list of sames is endless. It makes me feel like I am on autopilot and I can’t flip the switch to take control again. How can one be lost in the city you wonder? I lose myself. I lose the very fire in my soul. I live for the sunsets that paint the sky in such a way that even Monet and Picasso could never compare.  I love the darkest sky at night, where stars are endless and so are wishes. Air is filtered by the trees, and the breeze kisses your skin in such a way it could make any man jealous. Birds bring the tunes, the crickets bring the beat and it just makes my heart sync into the world around me. That is when I feel most alive. I observe so much more, and my list of wants and desires shrink to be the most simplest of things. The city is where you go to kill your dreams, your soul. We were never meant to live life as we do today. Maybe that is why depression affects more now then it ever has. We have never in the history of mankind been so connected, and yet so disconnected.

Is it easy to get lost in the city? Absolutely.

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