I have been absent yet again the last few. I have had lots on my mind and big decisions made. I am hoping this doesn’t backfire on me big time. I am making some pretty major changes in my life in hopes that things will finally settle down and I can get to where I want to go. It’s amazing how time changes everything and how 1 person can affect your life so much. I am finally coming to terms with what happened in May and it’s just shitty. Shitty that a person could do that to another. No matter how unfair it was, the reality remains. I can gladly say I have not had a single drop to drink in a week. As much as Jack has helped me to at least sleep those nights I couldn’t, I am past it now.
I have only done that two other times in my life, use alcohol as a means to deal: My grandfathers death, and when I was raped in the military. This time I didn’t drink like I had in the past, just enough to deal and pass out and sleep. I need to deal with it, and I have. Sad to say, “This isn’t the first time”.
Good news is, I am starting to get my fire back. I have things that I am looking forward to now other than just another day off to sleep. Work has become a ground hog day, school is about the same as always and my friends, well, are all in relationships leaving me the dust. Those are the moments that I realize how much it sucks to be single. Seems to be the hardest part at this moment. Third wheel syndrome I call it. Your friends wanna do things with their significant other, yet don’t want to make you feel not included. Disaster let me tell you. Then it always turns into, “I know someone”…..oh boy, last time that happened, I had that boy haunt me for months. All I know is, the right one will come when I am ready and I’m FINALLY getting there. Time heals all and life is nothing more than perspective.
To close this little note, I am hoping the next time I write it will be filled with awesome, amazing news. Progress has been made and that I am grateful for. I am so looking forward to this next step and where my journey will take me. Until then, smile, explore and always take the scenic route.