Shattered….broken. The very thing that I was fighting for left me on the battle field to die alone. My demons won. I lie here in defeat. Tears flow uncontrollably as my soul bleeds through my eyes. I watch the very thing I love, walk away and blend into the darkness that is slowly creeping in.
All the stars fell from my sky today and my armor has failed me. Maybe I should have retreated, maybe I should have listened….but he is the very thing that made my heart beat in such a way it became the rhythm of my life. His voice soothes me in a way nothing can and his love is an addiction I could never recover from. How can you live in darkness when you have seen the beauty of the stars? He walked in and changed me in a way I never thought was possible. Now it’s just before and after. How can life be so fucking cruel….make you fall hopelessly in love and take it from you? How can life show you such beauty and place you back in darkness? Back into the empty shell…the cold fortress that I built. I will never be the same again.
I let him win..my ex. I let what he did interfere with my now. How in the world could I be so stupid to let the very thing I love go over past hurts? I didn’t want to get hurt…I didn’t want to be made a fool like I had been in the past…I didn’t want to find out that the one I love has eyes for another. I got jealous. I actually got jealous. I can not believe I let my emotional side take over. What hurts, is realizing that my fuck up will never be forgiven, that my love is thrown to the side and easily replaced with a swipe right. My heart finally realizes that it’s scars will always be rejected. Back into the cage it goes….back into the dark, cold fortress. Time to rebuild the walls that I tore down…..time to board the windows that allowed the light in…..time to be the lone wolf I was always meant to be.