Oh my little day road trips. These have thus far been the key to me finding that never ending smile upon my face. There is something about the open road that for whatever reason makes me, happy. I started taking these road trips about a month ago. I would just feel super confined in my place and just felt the need to get out and go. One day I pulled up a map, closed my eyes and put my finger down and away I went. I made a play list “Bad days and a Good Drive” and started adding songs depending on my mood. Some songs are some real getting down into your deep feels, while others are super up beat. I have laughed hard, cried, screamed, song my little heart out and sat in silence during my drives. Who would have ever thought this would be the key to getting through some tough shit. My best friend, Shelby has now joined me on these little road trips. We both have had some deep conversations and been real with ourselves and each other. We have cried over those who have broken our hearts, talked about how to let go and laughed so hard we couldn’t breathe. This part of the blog will showcase some of the amazing sites we see during these little trips. Maybe one day we will see each other in passing. Until then, happy exploring.
18 June 2017, Goliad, Victoria, Yorktown, Kenedy, Beeville, Fannin, Texas
This is was a much needed drive for both of us. Man, life got crazy the last few weeks. Shelbs was trying to get through that last bit of Nursing school and I was just trying to get to the next step in school. Damn just to think that she’s graduating, and I am only a year away from my second degree….crazy.
On this trip we just focused really on letting go of the everyday bullshit and re-established goals. We laughed so hard, my ribs and stomach hurt. I am more than grateful for her. I think about the miles we have gone together to get over that one guy that really broke our heart, the songs that spoke the words we couldn’t, the animated reading of the historical markers. I am one lucky girl to have a friend for life like this….she will forever be my sunrise girl.
I wish my other girls lived closer. I want to have that long ass chat about everything and nothing. Vanessa, Stephanie, Amanda, Emmy, Valerie and Swester, one of these days…we will go and explore. We will get lost and find ourselves. The freedom I get, the progress I have made, I want to share. If there is a day where you just want to go…let me know and we will go.
12 June 2017, Poth, Texas
Today I took a short drive. I drove through a tiny Texas town called Poth. Blink, and I promise you’ll miss it. The sky was absolutely amazing today. I couldn’t resist a picture. I smiled endlessly today. I had the windows down, blaring my favorite tunes and just sang my little heart out. I felt at peace today. I am feeling my energy start to come back and was able to reset and refocus. Time to slay away and make those dreams a reality. 🙂
11 June 2017, Nordheim, Texas
Ahh the old dirt back roads in Texas. These roads ensue excitement in my very being…. they take you places off the well worn path. On these roads, time slows, draws drag, and the music takes on new meaning. They take you to a place and time where things just slow down.
I took a drive solo last night. I know I said that I wasn’t going to take any drives until school lets out for break, but I was so claustrophobic being in the city, I just had to go.
On my drive I got into songs that really got to my soul and invoked so many emotions. I cried last night, deep aching cry, for the first time since my Mother’s passing, I missed her…I miss the fantasy of a mother that was there, a mother that cared. I was listening to Pink Floyds “Wish You Were Here”. This song makes me miss everything our relationship wasn’t. My mother and I weren’t very close, but with her death, the hope of us ever having a relationship died. My mother was a very complicated person. I know she loved me in her own way. She was so damaged herself that she distance herself from me. I grew up existing with her in the same house until 14 when I moved away to Wisconsin.
I wish I knew her. I want to get to know the woman that made me. I have a fire inside me that came from somewhere….I have a wild spirit…I have big plans…I have so many things that I have to share with her. I want to know what her dreams were, what her goals were and why she just gave up. She stopped caring about herself, she stopped calling, she stopped being any part of anyone’s life. It makes me sad. Sad to think that she made herself so confined when she had the whole world right in front of her. Maybe one day, when I come to my final days, I will get the chance to meet the woman that made me. Maybe we can sit over coffee and talk about what makes us smile, makes us happy and what sets our souls on fire. Until then, I will continue to believe that I was something special to my mother, and that I am a good daughter.